


You've Given Me Too Much To Feel

by lovedeterrence



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, insecure adachi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:03:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2300729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedeterrence/pseuds/lovedeterrence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adachi has an angst-ridden internal monologue during sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Given Me Too Much To Feel

Why the hell would he want me?

I couldn’t help but ask myself this as the older man smirked down at me, pressing his rough and needy lips against my own.

Was I a replacement? Perhaps just a second choice. Me? A second choice? _Never._ I’m always a fucking second choice. Dojima-san doesn’t give a damn about me. Punch me, laugh at me, and call me a dumbass by day, crave my lips around your cock at night. And I’m alone. You know I’m alone and it makes me desperate. I won’t refuse you because you’re all I have.

You’re using me. I know you’re using me. But I’m using you, too, right? You’re my escape, just as I’m your replacement for _her._ Am I not good enough for you, either? I can’t help but feel a miserable laugh rising in my throat. I force it away as you kiss at my neck, and glide a thumb across my wrist. You like making me vulnerable. Perhaps I’m just something for you to have control over. Something to boost your own ego with. A toy, a plaything. Entertainment. A distraction. Who the hell knows?

Ironic. I never thought I’d be the one worrying about getting used by anybody. Never thought I had the capacity to care enough for that. I didn’t want to care about this. I just wanted a good time. Why do you bring this out in me, Dojima-san? This isn’t right. I dig my nails hard into your back, knowing that there will be crescent shaped marks there in the morning, as your teeth tug down my bottom lip in the most playful manner. I try to hold back, but your name bursts from my lips in the utmost longing.

I want to own you. I want you to be mine, mine alone. I want my name etched so deep into your psyche. I despise you. I loathe this fear. I feel this absolute terror that you’ll slip out of my grasp. I think this to myself as you slip your lubed up cock into me. I love the feeling of you inside of me. I feel a little less empty. Like maybe I’m not as far gone as I think I am. I love the way you look down on me with the most extreme desire. You’re so feral and it turns me on like crazy. There’s also a tenderness, something you reserve just for me, and that’s what drives me up the wall the most. Feeling this wanted is painfully wonderful. It’s dangerous and attachment is like a goddamn inferno that’ll destroy everything in its path if not kept in check. I need to sever this, but I can’t. I don’t want to.

I’ve never wanted someone with such ferocity. I can’t get enough of you. I’m memorizing your body with my hands, memorizing your weak spots with my lips. I take in every moan of pleasure you release and let it fill my mind. You sound so good, you _feel_ so good. Everything about you kills me.

You nip at my earlobe, stroking the length of my cock with your rough fingers that somehow feel absolutely amazing. The handjob is so slow, it’s painful. You like to tease me. You like making me moan out your name over and over again until you start to tug on my cock at a reasonable pace. You’re ramming into me without any restraint, just how I like it. Don’t hold back on me, Dojima-san. Almost as if you read my mind, you speed up, kissing me hard and sloppily with such a need I can’t help but feel my heart race.

My arms and legs are around you so tight. You’re holding me as you thrust yourself into me, balls slapping against my ass. I don’t want you to let me go. Everyone lets me go. Hell, usually people don’t even bother having me in their life long enough _to_ let me go. Use me, do whatever the hell you want with me, because damn, I’m yours, Dojima-san. I don’t want to be yours, but when you cup my chin in your hand and bring my lips to yours, I melt. Shit, do I melt? I laugh inwardly at myself. This is fucking pathetic.

You cum inside of me; you stay in until finishing me off, knowing that I like it when you stay in. We always sleep side by side, and when we wake up my arms are usually tight around you. You like to give me shit for it. I know you’re joking, but there’s probably some truth to it. I don’t blame you. I am kind of disgusting. I wonder, is my clinginess a turn off, or does it just fuel your ego? And in the off chance that you do give a shit about me, it won’t last.

Maybe one day you’ll see my ugly side. You wouldn’t accept my shadow. You wouldn’t accept me for me. No one would. I would be disturbed if you did. Maybe if I was a worthwhile human being you could excuse my faults. But I’m not. You aren’t those bumbling idiots in the Investigation Team. You’re Ryotaro Dojima and I’m Tohru Adachi, and I will never be a worthy match for you.

But when you wrap your arms around me and pull me close to you and kiss my forehead, I can’t help but forget all that. I lean into the touch and close my eyes and feel unbelievably safe and treasured and I hate it because I know it could never last. 27 years of existing have shown me just how unstable and useless the bonds of people can be. But again, all of this gets shoved out of my mind as I realize my face is buried in your bare chest and the smell of your cologne and sweat fills up my nostrils and it’s weirdly pleasant. I feel so ridiculously lovesick and it makes me angry how much I adore you, how comfortable you can make me feel. _Gimme a break, Dojima-san,_ are my last thoughts before I fall asleep in your arms.

**Author's Note:**

> title from touch by daft punk  
> i swear someday i won't use song lyrics for most of my titles. today is not that day.


End file.
